


it's the end of the world (don't blame yourself dear)

by JForward



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Bombing, Bombs, Dark Thirteenth Doctor, Fainting, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury, Not Shippy, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, There's some soft stuff too, Vomiting, War, Whump, just a taste tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JForward/pseuds/JForward
Summary: Mortar shells fall, smoke billows, people scream and die and beg, and through it all one woman walks.The Doctor in a war zone.She loses herself just a little, when she gets angry.Yaz has to put the pieces back together.Title from Porter Robinson's 'Goodbye to a World'.[Currently abandoned.]
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**War**

  
Smoke blackened the sky. Acrid, toxic, pouring into the air and corrupting it. The hero moved through it, coughing, face streaking with tears and eyes bloodshot as the world overwhelmed them. Feet stumbled, boots digging into mud stained with ash. Blood dripped from wounds that didn't have time to be treated, staining tattered fabric around it. In the distance, howls echoed, cries that could have come from living mouths or been just the screams of weapons. Flashes lit the smoke in sharp relief, coiling like a living thing, throwing shrapnel and poison into the miasma. And still she moved, blonde hair hanging lank and stained.

The coughing got worse, bare ankles now shining with a myriad of miniscule slices. Glass sparkled, embedded across the damaged body, a sickening impersonation of glitter. Each step dragged harder, arms hanging limp, barely moving to catch balance as the soupy mud threatened to rip away her footware with every step. The coughing worsened, awful noise lost in the crackle and boom of more shells landing nearby. Mud geysered into the smoke, and she didn't flinch when it added more muck to a once-grey coat. The rainbows in the lining showed in only smears, a hint of brightness in the battlefield.

Spitting a mouthful of bile aside, she wiped her lips against the tattered cloth. It didn't matter. She had to keep moving. Dragging each step through the deepening mess; boots leaving imprints behind. Suction, as the ground was turning to soup, trying to draw her down. Another screech struck just behind her, a great billowing, and she stumbled, falling. Immediately the ground grasped knees, starting to saturate already ruined trousers. She took a moment, low down, to try to breathe slightly clearer air, before managing to move again. Back on her feet, searching, hoping - a flash of blue through the browns and blacks. 

A warmth flourished in her chest, foggy eyes blinking urgently, half-blinded by the smoke. They smarted, tears still running freely, clearing singular tracks in the mess on her face. Onward. Always onward, with the war raging at her back. There it stood, sturdy, undamaged, her ghost monument; beautiful, and incredible, and so solid. Legs gave way again, pitching her to wood that warmed and hummed against her fingers. Eyes shut, for just a breath, taking it in. Through all else, here it was - never leaving her, never really, never truly.   
"Thank you." the Doctor whispered, as the door opened, and she stumbled inside. As if to keep her safe, it slammed shut as her knees gave way again; falling onto all fours on the grating. Coughing, rasping, desperately bringing up bile and filth until her whole body ached with it.

But time stood still for nobody, not even her. Clawing herself up, the Doctor gripped onto the railing with all her strength. Shaking off her coat, she dumped it aside, not caring about revealing the myriad of burns and scars that now coated her pale arms, running up to her shoulders; her wrists particularly marred, deep and repeated rings around them where monstrous cuffs had held her for oh so long now. The TARDIS chirped softly, as she took just a moment to stroke her hands along the edge of the console. Her eyes sparkled, wiping away the tears.   
"Don't worry about me." she whispered, voice hoarse from lack of use as well as the smoke she'd been inhaling. "We're running out of time."

Feet danced under her and she couldn't help but laugh, a light breath as she moved, hitting switches and levers as she went. The TARDIS came to true life under her hands, and she didn't even pause for breath as she worked. She had to be fast, faster than she'd been in her life, even with aching limbs and screaming lungs there was so much to be done.   
"You kept them safe?" she whispered, and the TARDIS whistled, still soft, still gentle with her. After all this time, still gentle. "I knew you would." 

And then she threw the lever and the TARDIS spun off into the vortex. She took a moment, just one more moment, to hang onto the edge and breathe. She'd lost track of how long she'd been lost in this world, trapped, chained, tortured. It didn't matter. All she'd done was try to stop a war, of course! What a terrible crime to have committed. But now she was going to fix it. Well, as best as she could fix a war that was already started that she had already lived through and so, couldn't, technically, prevent from happening at the beginning whilst still maintaining herself and not causing a massive paradox.

"Good thing I'm brilliant." she said, to nobody in particular, stumbling, struggling to keep herself upright and coughing up another lungful of smoky bile. "Not ideal, no, but I can work with it. Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." she whispered, as she worked, because this was going to require some very precision flying. But she was good at this. Usually. Sometimes.   
"Come on, girl, help me out. Can't have another hundred years of this." her memories destabilized. A half-dozen visions flickered through at once, grimacing as she clenched her jaw, feeling the burning strikes against her skin, hearing her screams again. They weren't one for the death sentence, at least.

That was always a bastard to explain, really.

"Right." she whispered, grabbing another lever and tugging it. They arrived, far from the battlefield, in a lush mansion. Right on his fancy carpet. The Doctor had made sure the TARDIS had scooped up a nice portion of blood and filth to smear all over it, so that she stepped out of the door, she could pause, glance at it, and hiss.   
"Ooh. That's not gonna come out easy." she whispered, as the Minister stood up from - well, that was a throne, really. Gold and glittery and very pretty. "Shame that. I could probably get you a new one, only, I don't really want to." hazel eyes sparked dangerously as she stared at him. Popping eyes, rich robes, wide and confused mouth.

"I had you sent to the dungeons!" he exclaimed, with a finger pointed at her. "Guards. Guards!"  
"Oh, yeah, you did. See, me, I'm pretty good at popping up where I'm not wanted." she hissed. "And I'm really, really good at unseating bastards who decide that they're going to ignore me," she took steady steps up towards him and paused. "I should've put my coat back on, this would look so much better with my coat on! Doesn't matter. Point is," her moment of levity fell as she stepped up onto the lowest part of his dias. "I warned you not to start this war, Magistrate Asuun. I warned you oh so very clearly that I didn't agree with it. And you chose not to listen to me." her face fell into cold, hard lines, ignoring the faint trickle of orange-tinged blood that was coming from her hair and down, past her ear. Clipped by a mortar, most likely.

"We - I - GUARDS!" he roared, again.  
"Oh, no, see, they're not coming." she said. "My TARDIS over there, she'd blocking your doors. Easily done. Extended the shielding a little. Told her not to let anyone in. Just me and you right now, Magistrate Asuun. And seeing as you're so willing to let your people go to war over the sake of - what was it? One spice mine?" she shook her head. "Such a waste. All those innocent people. Why do you always think you own it all? Why is there always war?" she spat. "I promise you I'm done with war. I gave you a chance. I'll give you another, right now. Call it off. Peace treaty. Surrender. Say you've won, I don't care. Last chance. I really am too nice, three chances? I'm getting soft." there was no softness in her tone as she held her sonic up in her hand. "Choose."  
"I choose to win."  
"Aw. That's a shame." she murmured, and sighed. "I did try." she pointed the sonic at the top of the dias and powered it on.

There was a charging hum. He looked around, wide-eyed with alarm. The platform under him began to glow, and before he could shout for his guards again, the teleport activated and he vanished.  
"Short range teleport." the Doctor said, to nobody in particular. "Gave it a bit of a power boost, of course, but that's what happens when you take over the buildings of wonderful people generations older than your own." she paused, to touch the marble-like material. "I did try. I really did try." she sighed, swaying on her feet. "Won't last long, I don't think, not in the middle of the battlefield. Especially when he just ordered a gas strike." she murmured, turning to leave. "Oh! Almost forgot." she dug in her pocket and pulled out a peace treaty, with rather a good forged signature.

Dumping it on what had been treated as a throne, the Doctor went back into the TARDIS, shutting the door firmly. A moment later the blue box was gone; the guards charged into the room, looking confused, finally spotting the documents. It wouldn't take long for them to find the way to the War Room, and for everything to change.  
A portly, spoiled, pale and cruel man appeared in the middle of a field that was once dirt but was now little more than bloody mud, and looked up as shells filled with a violent neurotoxin fell and shattered around him. 

The Doctor flew back to Sheffield, took a step outside and breathed deeply. She smiled, thinking of the friends waiting for her here. She managed a step, and then all her energy deserted her, and she slumped to the floor, little more than a bloodstained ragdoll.


	2. Chapter 2

**Peace**

  
"One of the most beautiful places in the universe, I promise." she was climbing easily over the wild terrain, hopping up a small tussock and standing almost on tiptoes, breathing in deeply and throwing her arms wide as she gestured at the vast plains ahead of her. Graham, huffing and puffing slightly, climbed up next to her, before groaning, almost doubling over. Ryan and Yaz flanked either side, squinting in the gold-red light of the sun that was steadily dropping lower and lower. 

"See, you say that, Doc, but I gotta be honest, I've seen plenty of places that look just like this in Yorkshire." he admitted, gesturing at the greenery. "It's a bit - y'know - boring."  
"Graham!" Yaz objected, "The Doctor says it's beautiful, I believe her."  
"No, no, like, it's nice enough in it's own way, but there ain't a pub for miles and I tell you what, that -" he gestured the way they'd come from. "- looks the same as what we're looking at now."  
"Honestly, Graham." the Doctor sighed and rolled her eyes at his endless whinging. "I don't know why I bring you! Come on. We gotta get to the city before sunset."

"Why did you park so bloody far away, then?" Graham cried out, as she hopped down and continued her steady clip across the vast and scrubby field. Ryan rolled his eyes. He was pretty fit himself, especially with all the running they did, but he was also starting to feel a definite burn in his legs from the hours of walking they'd done today.  
"Because, Graham, as I have already _explained_ , the city has a fairly vast telemetic _exclusion field_ around it, which prevents time machines from landing that close."  
"And why would they do that?" he exclaimed, frustrated.  
"Well, because of how many people tried to stop the wars." she paused, "Didn't I tell you this already?"

"Nah, this is new to me." Ryan said, frowning.   
"Could've sworn I told you about it. The Desolé Comben?" she tilted her head, frowning at them, before scrunching her nose at the shared expressions of confusion. "Was, ooh, how long are we sayin', about hundred years or so ago? In their rotations. Planet moves just a little bit faster than Earth." she said, smiling, "But yeah, hundred years ish. If I got my timings right. Which I always do." she tried not to look offended as the group scoffed at that comment. "Yeah, alright, maybe sometimes I miss. _Occasionally_." she allowed, and smiled as they laughed. She kept moving, boots driving into the ground to propel her on.

The suns sunk slowly lower, and she glanced up at the sky as great ribbons of deep purple and red sparkled across it.   
"Red sky at night." Graham murmured.   
"Don't see no shepherds, though." Ryan nudged him and laughed.   
"We're almost there!" the Doctor called over her shoulder, and this time, they could see she was right. They were up on another ridge, much steeper this time, and ahead of them - a great, beautiful city. It looked immense, almost Greek or Roman, great marble-like pillars. Especially towards the middle, on slightly higher ground.  
"Is it like Athens?" Yaz asked, squinting in the lower sunlight.  
"Mm, not far off, honestly." the Doctor said. "The people that live here now aren't the people that lived here before. They're new settlers. Turned up and saw all the free real estate, made themselves comfortable."

"What happened to the people who lived here before?" Graham asked, eyes wide.  
"A lot of them died." the Doctor said, sadly. "Their technology was advanced, infinitely advanced, they figured out time travel alone. A lot of species do. Mine did." she murmured, and ignored the way all the heads snapped to look at her, "But so many of them started interfering that the whole thing became a paradox. So they put up a field around the city, to stop it becoming any more of a mess. The war played out." she murmured. "And those who survived left. Too sad, by far." she said, softly. "War really is hell. Anyway!" her sombre mood vanished and she clapped. "Let's go!" 

She hopped down, sliding with surprising skill down the steep hill, hopping up at the bottom and waving at them.   
"You gotta be kidding me." Graham groaned. Yaz laughed, but Ryan was looking at it with just as much trepidation.  
"Who's bettin' I end up flat on my face?" he mumbled.  
"You won't!" the Doctor called up, "Come on, I'll catch you!" she spread her arms wide and beamed. Ryan sighed, and hopped down the slope, stumbling and running down towards her.   
"You go next, Graham." Yaz said, "I'll patch you up."  
"Cheeky." he objected, before carefully clambouring down, stumbling his way with a lot more care than Ryan had.  
"Woo!" Yaz hopped down and ran at high speed, feeling on the edge of losing control of her feet, laughing - they came out from under her. A surprisingly strong but slender hand wrapped around her waist, preventing her from going flying onto cobblestones.

The Doctor grinned in her face, straightening Yaz up.   
"Right, fam. On we go!"  
"I'm still not down with you callin' us Fam." Ryan muttered, but Yaz laughed at him, invigorated, all the tiredness in her legs giving way to the Doctor's excitement. They walked for maybe ten more minutes, the city getting more and more busy around them, cobbles turning to read roads, homes to businesses. The Doctor led them through, with seemingly more and more urgency, as the light got lower. Streetlamps began to flicker on around them, lighting all the glittering walls.

"Why the rush, Doc?" Graham panted, as they moved past a building with an open front, the sound of sizzling and the smell of cooked meat wafting out. "Can't we stop for dinner?"  
"Don't want to miss the show!" the Doctor called back, "I've been meaning to come here for so long." she grinned. "It's really beautiful, trust me." they were going up a flight of stairs now, even Yaz finding herself, fit as she was, struggling to keep up. And then they saw - people. Well, they looked mostly human. Just a few features, webbed hands, claws, almost vampiric sharp teeth when they smiled. But the group of humans - and one time lord - fit in pretty well.   
Technology seemed pretty woven through them. But the more the fam looked around, the more they could see signs of disrepair. Rust; broken wiring; some of the lights flickered.

"What's with this place?" Ryan murmured. The pockets of people sitting around, a lot of them on blankets, some with picnics, were increasing as they headed up higher, towards some kind of plaza.   
"So, the species that colonised here, their planet was originally fairly water-heavy. Obviously bit of a change, coming here, but it takes a really long time for races like this to move any kinda features. Survival of the fittest gets replaced at a certain level of intelligence, but it means genetic advancements - things like webbed hands - they don't get left behind. If that makes sense." she beamed. "I love it. It's like you humans. You don't really get more adapted for the stars, but you make things adapt for you." she clapped her hands.

"I feel like we're bein' insulted." Graham murmured. Yaz giggled.   
"Right! Here we go." the Doctor had reached a pretty busy area, now, gesturing at a gap. "Who brought a blanket?"  
"Wh - Doctor, you didn't tell us where we was goin', why would any of us have a blanket?" Ryan objected.   
"Oh. Yeah." she hummed, "Oh well. Have to sit on our butts. Come on. Ooh." she paused. "Butts. Bit American, that. Not sure I like it."  
Yaz had already sat, getting herself comfortable. The Doctor stayed stood as the three got themselves seated, as close to comfortable as cold steps could be, really.

The Doctor, however, was looking over their heads - towards the great Citadel that sat above them. She was frowning just a little, before crouching, touching the steps.  
"Hm." she murmured.  
"You better not be about to eat dirt again, love." Graham murmured suspiciously, leaning in a little.  
"No. No, something feels ... off." she frowned, squinting around them, sliding her sonic from her pocket and buzzing it at the stone.  
"What, in the marble?" Yaz asked, frowning at her.   
"No. No, just - bad vibes. Absolutely rancid vibes."  
"Oh my God, Ryan, why did you teach her that?" Yaz hissed, as Ryan giggled, and the Doctor paid them no attention at all. She was looking at the readout from her sonic.

"Just gonna take a quick look at something. Stay here. Enjoy the show. I'll be back really soon, promise."  
"Then are we getting some food?" Graham yelled as she took off past them, the pale coat billowing as she hopped up more steps, towards the rather big and official looking building.  
"Should we go with her?" Yaz asked, uncertainly. Her eyes went to the sky again. It really was beautiful, deep blue mostly now, just a few handfuls of deep red, fluffy clouds.

And then the show started.

Immediately, they were distracted. There was a deep, rumbling hum. Yaz looked down. Lights were flickering through the marble, like it was sme great, living thing.   
"Woah." she whispered, looking at the flickers, reaching down to touch the marble, wondering if it would feel different. Great, deep flickers - purples to blues, shimmering.   
"Yaz, look." Ryan breathed. Her eyes went from he marble to the sky. It was like all of the lights were being drawn up, thrown like stars. The clouds vanished under the onslaught of light. Crackles and hums continued deep below her but she barely noticed as the lights funnelled into one point - before blasting out. She felt rather than heard a deep _boom_ in her chest, as they exploded like an unbelievable firework. Her eyes couldn't figure where to look as the lights shimmered off, a million dancing sparkles.

They kept coalescing, then catching, then exploding, sometimes small, sometimes large. The whole time the pulses and ripples below her continued, and Yaz ended up leaning back on her elbows, face filled with utter wonder as the sky continued it's incredible dance.   
And then, finally, the hum died down. There was one final shattering, and she saw as the millions of flecks broke into smaller and smaller pieces, settling almost like a dome over them - before fading. The world seemed unbelievably dark now as cheers erupted from the people around her. Ryan joined in, too, clapping, and she caught herself laughing.

"Wow." she whispered. "Wow, that was incredible."   
"That was somethin' else, wow." Graham agreed. "Gotta say, Doc, fair shout - oh."  
"Where's the Doctor? She didn't come back?" Yaz got to her feet, frowning. Around her most of he people were packing up, leaving, although some were still eating or drinking. She stretched out her legs, surprised by how numb her legs were. How long had she been sitting there? 

There was a bang, and the ground shook, and Yaz was only prevented from falling by a half-standing Graham. Unfortunately he hadn't intended to be in her way, so she tugged him up with an apology.  
"Why do I feel like the Doctor has something to do with that?" he asked, dryly. Yaz frowned, turning - the ground shook as there was another explosion, and they all stumbled together. Smoke was starting to billow up towards them.  
"She went up. That's down." Yaz pointed out, not sure which way they should be going. The question was answered as a slim figure came zooming towards them, doing a rather impressive jump down the steps, coat billowing. 

"Run!" she shouted, clutching her sonic. Yaz got only a glimpse of wide hazel eyes before she turned and set off, gripping Ryan's arm as they dashed down the steps, the Doctor dragging Graham along on the other side.   
"What's going on?!" Yaz demanded, as they got to the bottom and started running through the low-lit streets, towards where they'd come in. _How are we going to get up that hill?_ she thought to herself, as they moved. 

"That bang wasn't me," she said, breathlessly, "Turns out I was a little bit wrong. Idiot, sometimes, me." she tugged the fam along, down another street, then froze. "Back, back, backbackback -" she grabbed Yaz's coat and physically jerked her into Ryan, shoving them into an alcove. There was the sound of feet, almost like hooves pounding, and then a group of figures - roughly human sized, but faces covered in bandanas and with definite horns poking out from their hoods - went running past, one of them holding something that was almost like a spray paint can. If it hadn't been for the clouds of acrid smoke bubbling out of the top, of course.

"Right." she said, breathlessly, "So I found some things out, Fam, and we really do have to get back to the TARDIS. Immediately." she swallowed hard, dragging them along with her again, feet pounding the cobbles again.   
When they reached the hill, Ryan stopped.   
"Aw, man, we are not gonna be able to get back up that, it's too steep!"  
"Coward." the Doctor grinned, pulling off her coat and passing it to him. She ran at the hill and jumped, fingers clawing into the mud, but even with her skills, the Doctor couldn't quite manage to crawl up. She gave up, grabbing her coat back off Ryan.   
"Okay. Different plan. This way!" she ran again, following the edge of the hill, scanning with her sonic as she went.

"Are you gonna tell us what's goin' on!?" Graham panted, as they moved.  
"In a word, rebel groups. Guess that's two words. And they aren't really rebels. They're a tiny group of what's left of the original people of this planet, before it was colonized!" she told them, as she moved, "And the technology that powers this city is breaking down. They don't actually know how to take care of it, the people that took over. And it turns out their new governor, well, he isn't really the 'accepting help' type." she paused. "And this forcefield?" she gestured up, although she could tell from the way the fam glanced up, they couldn't actually see it. "It's powered by Artron Energy. That's how they stop people from bringing time machines in."

"Isn't that what -"  
"Yeah, that's what the TARDIS runs on. And, well, considering we've all spent time on the TARDIS, we're kinda soaked in it too." she said, "It's pretty much part of my DNA now, few thousand years hopping anywhere you want will do it."  
"So does that mean they want the TARDIS?"  
"Oh, yes. Don't worry, I wasn't stupid enough to tell them where it was."  
"But aren't we leading them to it?"  
There was another immense boom and they all stumbled, looking back at the smoke billowing into the air.

"They're a bit pre-occupied right now, Ryan. Now, here -" she pointed the sonic at the mud, buzzing, until there was a rumble - and everything shifted, half-falling, creating a hill that could be easily climbed. "Go, go, go -" she pushed the fam ahead. They clamboured up, the Doctor bringing up the rear. By the time they reached the TARDIS, everyone but the Doctor almost collapsed for air. She, however, went to the console, starting to put in co ordinates.  
"Are we runnin' away?" Ryan panted. "Not your style, don't you normally run towards the fight?"  
"Ryan, I am not running away," there was a breathless edge to that voice which told Yaz she was using some other way to deal with the whole lack of enough air thing that the humans were having to deal with. "I'm going to fix this. But I have to do something first."

"Wait, that shield - it stops people from time travelling in? What happens -" Yaz broke off to gulp air, "what happens to people who try?"  
"They get bounced back. It's not super well done, a lot of them end up in a temporal loop, which -"  
"Which means if that barrier breaks, they're gonna all pop up at the same time?"  
"And cause an immense, reality-shattering paradox. Which I can't let happen. So I'm taking you home."   
"How does that work out!?"   
She slammed both hands onto the console, turning to stare at the fam.   
"If this goes wrong, if my plan doesn't work, or - even if it does - The TARDIS might not have enough power to work again. I am not stranding you all there. You're going home." she said, and threw the lever. 

Yaz felt exhausted but she clamboured up even as the machine shook violently, tossing everyone all over he floor.   
"No, Doctor, we -"  
"Do _not_ fight me on this!" she slammed her hands, before turning to stare at Yaz, her eyes full of a deep anger and an old sadness. "I'm not running the risk, not any more, Yaz. I have to help them, because I will not see another war start. I won't let this paradox happen, but all of you are in danger, because you're soaked in Artron energy. I promise. I'll keep in touch." they landed.  
Ryan and Graham got up, uncertain - Yaz shook her head.   
"I won't let -" 

The movement was quick, too quick to see, the Doctor suddenly in Yaz's face. The police officer took a half step back, apparently astonished.  
"You don't decide who I am." the Doctor whispered, "Any issues you have wih the image of myself you made, isn't my problem, it's yours. Get off my ship." Yaz's eyes stung. She turned and stormed off, leaving the door. Ryan hesitated, then followed. Graham moved to the doorway.  
"We'll see you soon, Doc." he said, softly. "I know you can do it. Complete faith."  
"Thanks, Graham." her voice was dull, but he smiled, and nodded anyway.

When he was gone, the Doctor threw the lever to take them back - she had a job to do. No matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming a full fledged story. Again.
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I would love any feedback people have, ideas about the story, especially I'm working towards writing longer chapters and improving characterisation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Peace**

  
Warm.  
Warmer than she'd felt in so long, actually. No longer was there a chill in her fingertips.   
Resting was something she didn't get to do often, actually; waiting to be disturbed. Waiting for the unbearable sensation of burning metal and the stink of scorching skin - waiting. Eyes stayed shut, slowly letting her senses come to life.

It wouldn't take long, of course. When they'd realised just how much energy they could get off her, the one thing they'd figured out how to do, trying so desperately to repair machines they couldn't even begin to understand. Trying to make sure the city kept ticking over, perfectly in balance, as it had for so many generations. Maybe she would've helped them, that was the crazy thing, if they'd asked - she would have done so much to make things better for them. To try to get the city fully working, and she was an absolute super genius, vastly ahead of even the peoples who once lived here. At least, she was pretty sure of it.

But the blows - weren't coming. In fact, her arms didn't feel like they were suspended above her head any more. At all. They were aching all over, but - not dangling.   
Soft. Something soft behind her, propping her up. Eyelids flickered. Nostrils flared. Her tongue darted out, to taste the air on her lips. Twenty first centure. Dust. Flat. Human. Something familiar, a smell of - ginger, a hint, spicing the air. And something powdery, almost sweet. Comfort. Safety. Soft.

_My fam._

Eyes snapped open and she sat up, with a deep gasp. It felt like great ragged teeth had been dug into her arms, deep gouges into her skin, crisping and damaging and - she flexed her hands slowly, for a moment, utterly lost in the sight of them. They didn't look real, for a moment. Voices - and then arms wrapped around her. Who had taken her coat off?   
Warm arms, almost scorching her, familiar and comforting - Yaz. It was Yaz, she realised, with a breathless laugh. Her own arms came up, clutching ahold of her, tugging in until she heard Yaz let out a whoof and she had no choice but to stop her grip.

"Oh, I'm so glad to see you!" she tried to swing her legs around and stand, but they gave way, which was rather rude. They'd become somewhat traitorous of late, her legs!   
"Hey, I gotcha. Take it easy." Yaz said, gently now, easing the Doctor back to sitting.  
She let her eyes move around the space, so very familiar.  
"I do end up on this sofa quite a lot, don't I?" she mused. "It's a good sofa. Very comfortable." she paused, frowned. "Genuine question, Yaz, sorry, how did I get here?"

"We found you." Yaz adopted a squat in front of the sofa, resting her elbows on her knees as she looked steadily at the Doctor. "You were passed out in front fo the TARDIS, not sure how long you were there. I heard the noise and came down, so I don't think it was long, you weren't particularly cold. That was two days ago."  
"Two day-"  
"Ryan got you here, actually. He's gone out with Graham. I think they got sick of you layin' there, like a corpse." she frowned, and the Doctor frowned right back.  
"Sorry 'bout that. I'll try to look less corpse-like next time I pass out."  
Yaz straightened and slapped her shoulder, but there was no force, all playful.   
"You better." she grinned, "You want a cuppa?" 

"Ooh, yeah. Five sugars, please." she said, and Yaz sighed.   
"I really do pity your dentist."  
"Oh, I don't have a dentist."  
"That explains a lot."  
"Oi!" she objected, bracing on the sofa - and she stood very slowly, this time, stretching out her legs. Two days. Walking! Not nearly as bad as five days of not walking, on Tsuranga. She was fine. Just had to wiggle a bit of movement into her legs, that was all.

"Where's my -"  
"Coat's hung up by the door!" Yaz called from the kitchen, The Doctor hearing as she clinked cutlery gently against the mugs, the smell of tanins and proper Yorkshire tea filling the air. She moved over to it, reaching out - and paused. The marks on her arms looked pretty bad. The Doctor lifted her hands up again, staring at the myriad of marks on the back of her hands. Her nails were short, still covered in blood and dirt. She reached up to touch her face, but that came away clean, frowning just a little. Weird.

Pulling her coat on gingerly, the Doctor felt as her damaged skin was tugged, grimacing. It would heal. If she'd been out for two days, it would probably be a long way towards being totally healed, actually; a few more good sleeps and she'd be absolutely fighting fit. A year's worth of damage would fade. They'd figured that out, too, often giving her a night's sleep just to resume harvesting energy again - deep breath. She stepped away with her coat on, armed against the world. And then the smell of ash and smoke almost overwhelmed it. Wiggling out of it fast, the Doctor backed away a few steps, staring at he pile of fabric as if it had personally offended her.

"Y'alright?" Yaz put down the two cups of tea on the table and wandered over. "Oh. Yeah, we were gonna take it to get dry cleaned. It looks pretty damaged." she admitted. There was curiousity in her tone, unmistakable, and she raised her eyebrows just a lttle.   
"Oh. Yeah." the Doctor cleared her throat. Bending down, she reached out again, scooping it up. The ragged damage at the edges, the dirt - her beautiful coat ... she paused to run her hands over the point where Rosa Parks had sewn up the damage she'd caused. Despite everything, those stitches hadn't split.

"Rosa did a great job." she murmured. There was a confused pause, then Yaz saw where the Doctor was looking.   
"Uh - yeah. Yeah, she was a really skilled seamstress. Doctor, we thought we'd - let you take the stuff out of the pockets before -"  
"Did you wash my face?" she asked, one brow quirking up as she angled her head in towards Yaz.  
"Oh, uh. Yeah. You were pretty muddy. And - bleeding, too. I didn't want to intrude much, Doctor, but you might wanna take a shower. And get changed. I'm not sure we're gonna be able to fix your clothes up much -"  
"Nah, don't worry. The TARDIS can do it." the Doctor said, brightly, "She's got plenty of facilities to get them all fixed up. Get the smoky smell out." she murmured, looking at the damaged coat once more before she hung it up back where it had been before.

Yaz's eyes lingered on the nasty marks littering the Doctor's skin, just long enough that she noticed. Forcing a bright smile onto her lips, the Doctor moved to sit back down, now that her legs were working. She was smelling it powerfully, now, the stink of ash, and mud, and death. Her culottes were soaked wth it. All of her was. And for a moment, she wavered, the living room shifting - moving from safe, with Yaz in front of her full of concern - and the filth of the battlefield. A mortar shell cracked behind her and the Doctor cried out, stumbling forward, suddenly feeling arms around her. Grounding her. Breathing escalated, gasping as she clung onto the solid form. She could smell the morrocan oil in Yaz's shampoo, deep, great lungfuls of air before she slowly straightened.

"Doctor? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Yaz asked, quicky.   
"I have to get out of these clothes." the Doctor swallowed hard, throat bobbing, and Yaz nodded.   
"We can go back to the TARDIS, it's not far, right?" she said, softly, "Wardrobe hall. Find you something whilst you wash these?"  
"I - I have to wash my hair." the Doctor had jolted her head, now able to smell the reek sticking to her skin.   
"Tell you what, let's get you in the shower, I'll nip home?" Yaz suggested, "I won't be long, I promise." the Doctor hesitated then nodded.

After Yaz had shown her to the shower, and left in a rush, the Doctor turned the water on and stepped in. She'd thrown everything into the corner of the room, trying to shake off the smell. She stepped into the spray, slowly turning up the pressure and the heat until it was stinging her skin. Good. That was good. Even with the steam making the air almost intolerably thick, though, ash kept floating into her nose. She scrabbled for a shampoo - green apple - and lathered up thoroughly. She began to play around with the various scents on the side, using something cherry scented - conditioner! Make her hair all silky and soft. Now she was really starting to feel like a fruit salad, squinting at a label through the fogged up air. 

"Spices. Hm." she cleaned herself, taking her time. Turning, the blistered marks on her arms ached from the heat of the shower, but that was okay. Grounded, grounded. Steamy shower. Nowhere else. "Guess I smell like a fruit pie." she allowed. When she was finally clean, she lingered, letting the water pound her skin until the heat began to fail. Then she turned it off, finding a towel, perching on the side of the bath and scrubbing it over her ears before covering herself in it. She stretched, slowly, moving muscles that had been held in place for a very long, painful time.

The clunk of the door made her startle, halfway to her feet before her heartbeats calmed, a little. Just Yaz, right?  
"Doctor, I brought some clothes!" a wave of relief filled her, opening the door - watching the clouds of steam escape, hazel eyes drifting over the way they dissipated. Science! And then smiling at Yaz.  
"You're a little smaller than me, I think? I got some of my slightly older stuff here, just - y'know. Until you get to the TARDIS." she said, putting down a carrier bag. Still wrapped in her towel, the Doctor dug through the bag, missing the way Yaz's eyes skated over the damage on her skin.

"Doctor, how long's it been?" she asked, uncertainly. "For you?"   
"Hm?" she looked up, one hand holding together the towel - not that she cared, but humans seemed to be ever so bothered by nudity, especially now she was a woman - but the other was clutching a white shirt with tiny little rainbows all over it. "Uhh, since I dropped you off? About a year, I think? Different times, though, planetary rotati-"  
"You left us for a year?!" she objected, and the Doctor leant back a little, just for a moment looking offended.  
"I didn't really have much choice in the matter!" she objected, "I got back as soon as I could. How long for - "  
"Only a week." she admitted, "Not counting the two days you spent kipping on Graham's couch." Yaz added, after a moment. The Doctor pulled out a few more items then vanished off, back into the bathroom.

When she emerged she was wearing the sports bra - it was soft, but a little big for her - the white shirt covered in the tiny rainbows and a pair of soft jogging bottoms, too. A little big, still, but the waistband was springy enough to cling to her properly.   
"I hate not havin' my coat, I feel naked." the Doctor grumbled. Yaz laughed.   
"Your tea's almost cold." The Doctor came over and plonked herself down next to Yaz, sipping her sweet tea. Where it had been sat the sugar had mostly sunk to the bottom, and she drained it, enjoying the sugar rush that awaited her when she finished it.

"Woo. Good cuppa, even a bit cold." she beamed, and Yaz paused.   
"Let me get you a brush." she dug in her bag and pulled out a pocket hairbrush. The Doctor took it cautiously, grimacing as some damage on her shoulder shifted, drawing it through her hair. "Haven't got a hairdryer. I can towel it for you?" she suggested, reaching for the towel that had been abandoned nearby. Before the Doctor could answer, Yaz dropped the fluffy fabric on her head, and ignored the spluttering to rub vigorously at the Doctor's scalp. When she pulled it away, the blonde looked distinctly disgruntled, glaring through what had turned into a staticky, half-dry ball around her head. Yaz burst into giggles, and the Doctor couldn't help but grin back at the noise. Fingers delicately picked up the brush again, slowly dragging it through her hair, managing to flatten it back down.

"Cheers for that." she said, but there was no acidity in her tone, just light hearted amusement.   
"I'm glad you got all the blood out." Yaz reached up, and the Doctor stilled as the fingers ran - astonishingly careful and delicate - around where her parting was, testing the skin. "There was a hell of a gash here, but it had got all nasty and congealed when you turned up. Had to clear that when I cleaned your face." she said, softly. "Pretty rank, actually." the Doctor snorted.  
"Sorry. I'll try to keep my head wounds cleaner for you."  
"Please do." Yaz responded, but her voice was gentle when she spoke that time. There was a moment when the Doctor stilled. "What on earth happened to you?" Yaz whispered. 

The Doctor shut her eyes and took a deep breath. When she went to speak, something tightened around her neck. She exhaled sharply, the breath only just escaping. She grimaced, and tried again, but - no air. No air. She tiled her head back, letting out a ragged noise that seemed to come from somewhere deep and wild - and Yaz looked scared. Yaz looked so scared. That wasn't right, why was Yaz scared?  
"Doctor?" she whispered, eyes wide, leaning in. "Is your throat hurt?"  
"No." she croaked. "No, it's. I'm - all that - I - " she shook her head. "I don't know, I want to tell you but I -" 

Something changed.  
The air was gone.  
She couldn't breathe.  
Wall at her back.  
Gripping, desperate.   
Mortar shells exploded around her.   
_Here it comes, here it comes, here it comeshereitcomeshereitcomes -_  
She gasped, lungs desperately drawing in air, smoke flooding it. She had to get out of here. The building was coming down, the walls were falling, shells were cracking around them and her captors had fled - the shields, the shields were falling, no matter how much energy she gave - 

"Doctor. I have you. You're safe." the voice broke through and she slumped, shaking, into arms that were so solid and so real. "I have you. I have you, I have you." Yaz whispered, as a thousand different wars tried to grip the Doctor's mind at once, and a nineteen year old police officer in training wondered just how she was supposed to protect the centuries-old alien from having a panic attack in her mate's lounge.


	4. Chapter 4

**War**

  
Whispering surrounded her ears. A low level murmuring, hissing between faces unseen, perhaps even things without faces. Just spirits. Plenty of creatures didn't have faces, or bodies, could be considered spirits in every sense of the word. The whispers were getting louder and louder, and now it sounded less like whispering and more like actual, genuine hissing. That was odd. She was losing any sense of the words that she'd been so sure of before, and the Doctor really hated when she lost track of things like this.

Which meant she should probably open her eyes, really, didn't it?

TARDIS. Okay, so that ... genuinely was hissing. Problem. She dragged herself upright slowly, catching her breath. Bit of bruising where she'd hit the floor. There was smoke billowing from the console, and she grasped the edge. Upright, she tried to see what was damaged, glancing up at the ceiling of the console room.  
"Activate air scrubbers." she demanded, a low level whirring starting up and drawing the smoke away. "Alright, alright," she heard the TARDIS beep softly, dragging around her screen, "What happened, what happened? Oh." she paused. "Got too close to the barrier. Okay! Don't worry." she ripped out a chunk of the floor and hopped down, reaching up and digging around, almost taking a face full of sparks before she found the loose pipe, pushing it back into place. Judging by her ears, the hissing had stopped.

Popping her head out of the hole, she could see now - no more smoke. Dragging herself back upright, the Doctor rubbed oil off her hands, shoving the floor grille back into place.  
"There y'go, girl. Right. Why did you come so close?" she murmured, "Told you to go back where I parked you last..." she patted the console again and ran over to the door, throwing it open, pausing to just take a quick look over the TARDIS exterior. Not really damaged, few scorch marks on the bottom edge - but that would clear off easily enough. She just couldn't figure out why she would come so much closer when they'd been parked so far from the shielding.

Shutting the door firmly, the Doctor set off at a sharp clip, back towards the city. But as she approached, glancing at the sky - damnit, always forgetting to check the time! The date was right, she was sure it was the same year but - full daylight instead of the late evening they'd left at. She didn't understand what the TARDIS was playing at - until there was a loud crackle, followed by a rumble, the ground shaking so hard the Doctor barely managed to stop herself from going tumbling again.

Looking up, the great dome over the city flickered. Her eyes widened, a sharp gasp slipping out. That wasn't meant to happen. The metallic taste of a paradox incoming burnt her lips and tongue, in an intensity she'd never tasted before - crackles, then pops and she could see flickers in the sky, like it was splitting open. Visions of millions of Toclafane orbs ripping the sky open suddenly overwhelmed her, and she started to run towards the city, knowing she had to act, to make it better - and there was a hissing noise again, and she was sure there were voices, stilling as she tried to make them out.  
"What? What is it, what are you saying?!" she shouted, before there was a flare of light in front of her. The shields rippled and strengthened, the metal taste stopped, and the time ships in the sky all blinked out of existence again.

Thanking every star, the Doctor ran again, unable to shake the whispers from her head even if they'd stopped when the time ships had. Through the barrier, with a weird tingle, she made her way towards the great, Roman-style building in the middle of the concourse where they'd spent that night. But as she moved, the Doctor could feel the balance was off, something immensely not right that was more than just the panic over the barrier shutting down for a few seconds. There was nobody in the streets, but the place still felt lived in, like ... oh. Her big brains connected the obvious things.

This had happened before.

All the more important she help them, because as much as she actually really wasn't a big fan of what they'd done with this place, and of course the rebels were something to take into account, but letting the unbelievably immense paradox that was still trying to happen - happen - would be decimating for the entire universe, let alone how awful it would be if they were caught in the centre of the storm. Perhaps they would be protected, like the eye, but even that would be worse - in a maelstrom of time. She could feel the danger now, the risk, that was crackling in the air all around them. Immense danger.

So all she had to do was go in, offer her services, get the place all fixed up, and everything would be fine! She was sure she had the skills to fix everything, get it all ready to go, give them a good few hundred years, if not a few thousand. Pushing back the deepening panic, the Doctor paused. No more smoke; her eyes searched, wondering just what she was looking for - signs of the rebels. Any damage, any explosions, but everything seemed - fine. Quiet. That was the most concerning thing, it was the middle of the day, and even with what had just happened -

A dying hum again.   
"Oh."  
The Doctor let out a breath and looked up. "Right. Gonna be quick." up the stairs two at a time, sharp hazel eyes searched for - there! A panel! She bent down, smacking it with the heel of her palm - shaking it to one side to ease off the pain - and investigating the wires within as she tugged out the sonic. "Just gotta find out the problem - sounds like a power drain, makes sense," she murmured, "Must have a self-replicator somewhere -" she buzzed at the wires before starting to dig her hand in deeper, amazed by just how thick all the wiring really was - finally pulling a cable to the front. About as thick as her finger, she watched as golden energy moved inside, giving it a quick buzz. Artron, as expected, only - something else. She frowned. The sonic beeped, not giving her much information, but the flow was thinning. "No -"

With a resounding crackle and hiss, there was the flickering. The Doctor looked up at the sky as the hissing whispers started again, letting out a sharp gasp, staggering upwards. Towards the shelter that would mean nothing to a paradox, because the whispering noises and the ionic taste were threatening to overwhelm her. Staggering, grasping onto a stone pillar, the Doctor gasped as the Time War washed over her head. Billions of Time Lords, billions of Daleks, and that unmistakable tang on her tongue. Reality being ripped apart, as she did what she had to do - her eyes were unfocused as there was a loud bang, a pressure wave forcing her to the floor. Smoke billowed, stinging her eyes and her lungs. Coughing, trying to claw her way upwards, the Doctor felt as an arm wrapped around her back.

Surprisingly strong arms tugged her up and something was pressed over her mouth. There was a moment when she fought instinctively, clawing, before it clicked that she could breathe clearly. A face loomed through the smoke, smiling, curling horns about a narrow face - and gestured her to come with them, taking off at a run. They seemed to see through the smoke with ease whilst she was half blinded, but the strange mask covering her mouth and nose now filtered the smokey air with utter ease. So that was good! Maybe they were friends?

It clicked what she was looking at, and there was another boom. She looked up but the sky was clouded with smoke, as more and more detonations went off, and she couldn't tell if the shields were holding. But as the group led her away, an immense crash went off behind her - she overbalanced, finding herself suddenly plummeting - hands catching her. Rubble was starting to fall.  
"What's going on!?" the Doctor demanded, seeing more horned individuals in front of her. "I really don't appreciate almost getting blown up-"  
"The council's coming down!" her friend landed next to her, surprisingly light-footed, "So if you don't wanna be crushed, move!"  
She took off at a run as they came out of the cloud of smoke cover, and glanced up at last - seeing the shield back in place. Then there was a cold feeling running through her as she moved the mask from her face, taking in the group.

Recognising them, at last - the rebels! From the first time they'd been here, and suddenly the bombs and smoke made sense.  
"What are you playing at?!" rage flooded the Doctor, as she grabbed ahold of the friend next to her, twisting her fists into the fabric of their shirt. "Did you say you're bringing down the council building?!"  
"You're lucky I saw you on the steps, you idiot!" they jerked away, "Were you trying to get blown up!? You don't look like the Melnin." they frowned at her. "Figured you were worth saving. Maybe I was wrong."  
"My name's the Doctor, I came here to fix your shields!" she pointed up in the air, at the flickering above her, "To stop your entire world getting ripped apart! And the base command for that shield is in the building you morons are blowing up!"

The other rebels had vanished into the distance. She looked into golden eyes, breathing hard and fast, the smell of smoke and destruction in her nostrils. There was a pause, as they looked at the sky, then over her shoulder towards the building they were in the process of detonating.  
"The council is responsible for the failings." they said, sharply, "We've been trying to get into there to fix it, but the morons just keep killing us! There's less and less of us, so we thought if we pulled it down -"  
"Then you'll destroy the mainframe in the heart of the building." the Doctor said, "The whole council is hardwired into the entire city, it's what's keeping that shield up! I saw it last time I was here!"  
"That's impossible, they don't let -" there was another immense bang. "It doesn't matter. Come on." they grabbed her hand. The Doctor glanced over her shoulders, watching as a pillar collapsed, swallowing hard before her legs had to work to keep up with the fleeing rebels.

Moving through the city at a run, it didn't actually take that long to leave behind the smoking council building, but she was sure that hissing was starting again as they came to a stop by a large, pink-toned piece of rock against a wall. Her horned friend - well, maybe not a friend - pushed it, and it slid away, leading into a dark tunnel. The Doctor followed them in, trying not to show just how annoyed she was by the idiots she was currently dealing with. The second she stepped through, they pushed the rock back into place.  
"What's your name?" the Doctor demanded, in the darkness.   
"What?"  
"Your name!" she demanded, more impatiently now, "So I know who to blame when this whole place is ripped apart in a paradox. Not that it'll matter much as we'll all be shredded into chunks of time, but still, I like to know a name."  
"It's Kevin." they snapped at her. The Doctor blinked a few times, processing that.  
"Kevin?"  
"Kevin! What did you say your name was?"  
"I'm the Doctor. Commit it to memory, Kevin." admittedly, she'd lost some of her acid at the name _Kevin_.

"Where we goin'?" Kevin was moving around as she spoke again, and suddenly golden light lit up the space, running in wires through the walls. Her eyes widened, reaching out to touch one of them, gently. Warm.   
"Back to base." he sighed, "Come on."   
She followed behind him, through the long, stone tunnel lit by the glowing wires. Her eyes searched constantly, curious, feeling a slight slant to the ground as they walked, finally emerging into a wide space. One of the others strode over to Kevin, looking at the Doctor then muttering low and furious. She let her eyes flicker between the pair as a heated argument start, but she quickly tired of listening.

"Hi. I'm the Doctor." she said, barging between them, offering her hand to the other horned rebel. They looked taken aback, and stared at her hand until the Doctor dropped it. "My mate Kevin here was tellin' me a bit about why you decided to blow up the building with the core in it instead of helping them out. Maybe you can update me?" she was trying so, so hard to sound nice, but the frustration was leaking into the Doctor's voice. She had to fix this, and it was possible they had potentially scuppered her long enough that she wouldn't be able to fix this.   
No. No, she didn't think like that. Hope, always hope.

"I'm Rachel." What was with the normal, human names? The Doctor frowned, putting that thought aside. Kevin slunk away from them, through a doorway to the other side, vanishing. "We were aware that there was some important technology in there. However, we were under the impression it was nothing important." she said, softly, "Emergency life-support systems for the bunker underneath, things that could be easily replaced. Or let the politicians suffocate." she curled her lip in a gesture of disgust. The Doctor frowned, not liking any kind of killing, even of slimy politicians. 

"Well, Rachel, you've been lied to." she said, shortly. "Saw it myself, on the last Refreshment Night." there was a long pause, and eyebrows lifted. "What? Why're you looking at me like that -"  
"Doctor, there hasn't been a Refreshment Night in this city for over fifty years. Since the shields started failing."   
"Oh." she whispered, eyes widening. Right. Misread the year. Must've flipped a two and a five, she hated when her brain did that! "Right. Well, my intel might be wrong, then." she admitted. "How do you know this, though? The city is ancient, far more ancient than the Melnin, seeing as your people made it." she said, "They woudn't have the technology to move it -"  
"They wouldn't need to." Rachel responded, and sighed. "Come on."

Leading the Doctor through more passageways, they went through what was something almost like a canteen, although it looked like it was a space meant for far more people than were currently milling around. The Doctor counted five, not included Kevin and Rachel. She frowned. The group of rebels they'd seen on the Refreshment Night had been more than seven, she was absolutely sure, even if twos and fives sometimes tripped her up.  
"What happened here?" she whispered, frowning.  
"Our people are being taken." she said, shortly, "Are you a time traveller?"  
The question caught her off guard, considering it for a moment.  
"In a word, yes." the Doctor admitted, grimacing, "But not one of your people, and definitely not interested in getting caught in your paradox shield, I promise. It's why I know so much."  
"So you know about Artron Energy?"  
"Yeah. It's what my ship runs on."  
"We have Artron energy. It's part of us." Rachel shook her head sadly. "Always has been. The city ran on it because the movement of millions of Serton people moving across it, provided a low level energy field that would never run out. Of course it was repurposed for the shield, but -"

"But the Melnin people don't produce the energy, of course not!" the Doctor breathed, "Which is why the lights are so bright down here, they're feeding off your energy fields! Oh!" she clapped her hands, overwhelmed with the genius of it. But then that glee fell. "With all your people gone ..."  
"The city's failing, and they had no way of getting it started again. So of course the Governor, the new one, had a brilliant idea." she scowled, yellow eyes angry. "I don't know what they did to that machine, but now - they've been taking us. They don't come back." she whispered. "We found evidence of one of my people, items of his - discarded. Things you don't give up. Wallet, keys, a bracelet woven by your child -" Rachel stopped, exhaling sharply. The Doctor stepped forward - bad at comfort, but more intense now.   
"I'll find out what happened, I'll make it right. I'm so sorry."  
After taking a moment to compose herself, Rachel nodded.

"We've been looking out for other travellers, like you." she said, softly. "We figured with all the help we already had, another one of you must be helpful -"  
"Another -?" confusion flooded the Doctor, and Rachel nodded, opening a door.   
"Meet our war adviser. He's been invaluable in helping us figure out how to destabilise the council." she said, gesturing as the Doctor stepped in, meeting dark eyes sat across a table at the other side of the room and feeling a cold flourish in her skin.   
"Doctor, meet - "  
"Hello, dear." the Master whispered, grinning broadly at her, "Welcome to my war room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm not sure where this is going, still, but ! I hope you're enjoying this little plot twist ...


	5. Chapter 5

**Peace**

  
It was like her mouth and lungs were full of smoke, and no matter how much she coughed, she couldn't clear them. Yaz had a hand on her back, rubbing just gently, and the sensation of a cold glass in her left hand was helping very much to ground her.   
"Just breathe, Doctor, come on," she whispered, urgently, "I don't think anything's in your lungs. It's your head." she murmured, full of so much worry but absolutely out of her depth. "Can you look at me? Please?" she moved just a little and the Doctor lifted her head, blurry eyes struggling to focus on Yaz's, each breath feeling tight. 

"Okay, there we go, there we go," Yaz whispered, gently, "Right, look at me. Breathe with me, okay?" she shifted her knees a little and took the Doctor's free hand, feeling the slender digits wrapping around hers. "In for four, hold for four, then out for four. It forces your brain to calm down, I don't know how it works, but I do know that it does work." she said, quickly, and then led - the Doctor following. And it seemed, with Yaz so close and so intense, that it did work. The smoke was clearing out of her lungs, breathing in for a four count; holding it, for another four, and then they held the out breath together - another four.  
"Well done." Yaz whispered, smiling, and the Doctor couldn't miss the scared sheen on her eyes. Guilt assauged the Time Lord, but then Yaz was leading the breathing and she had to follow, couldn't let her friend down.

A few more repetitions and she felt okay. A little shaky, taking a small sip of the water, then a little bigger one. Yaz moved to sit next to her instead of in front, back to the wall, tenting one leg and resting her elbow on top of it, looking across the room. The Doctor was grateful for the clever way of giving her space without leaving her totally alone. The water was washing the ashy taste away, and all she could smell was the very fruity soaps she'd used, something to focus on at the very least. When her head felt just a touch clearer, the guilt and shame really began to dig their claws in. Shifting the water to her other hand, she startled when she felt a hand touching her hair, looking around sharply.

"Sorry!" Yaz threw her hands up in surrender, "Sorry, Doctor, I was just thinking I should style your hair. Whilst it's wet." she said, gently, "You have a natural curl in there, I think. You could really bring that out, do it all wavy. It would look nice." she said, gently. "I like it straight, obviously, but - "  
"You have a natural wave in yours too." the Doctor murmured. She hadn't seen it down often, but she remmebered that. There was a moment then a warm, natural smile spread over Yaz's lips.  
"Yeah, I do. Mine's a lot longer than yours, though." she said, softly. "Me and mum never went in for the whole, y'know, headscarves thing, except for when I go to mosque. Nani always said she wanted me to wear one." she admitted, "But I still always wanted to keep growing it out, y'know? Just a trim now and then."  
"I like your hair. You should teach me to braid it."  
"You don't know how to braid?" Yaz asked, wide-eyed.  
"Oh, I did." the Doctor frowned. "Once upon a time. I used to braid my granddaughter's hair. But it wasn't these hands. Right." holding her empty glass, the Doctor pushed up to her feet. She seemed to miss the wide eyed and slack jawed expression of the police officer on the floor.

"Wait, Doctor, you can't just - say that and leave it there!" she objected, getting to her feet, stumbling behind the blonde.   
"Why not? Are you gonna do my hair?" she asked, amused.   
"What - I - yeah. Of course, yeah, but my stuff ain't here it's at my place." she sighed. "Oh, I left some bits on the TARDIS, if you're up to goin' back there? Or we can drop off your coat at the dry cleaners. Although I think I'd have to spray your hair back down again if I did that."   
"Can I come with you?" from the tone of the question, Yaz could tell she hadn't been really listening and let out a long suffering sigh.  
"To the Dry Cleaner?"  
"No, to Mosque." the Doctor turned and raised her eyebrows, apparently unaware of how confused the young woman would be made by the question, absolutely befuddled.

"Oh. Uh, I mean, sure, but you'll have to get changed." Yaz said, softly, "And not today, obviously."  
"No, no, of course not."  
"I mean, y'know, I'm not ashamed of being Muslim, my whole family is." Yaz said, softly, "But I'm not super religious either." she shrugged, and the Doctor smiled.   
"Don't worry about it. Just an idea." she said, softly, "Haven't been in a Mosque in a long time. Beautiful buildings." she said, softly. Yaz nodded just a little, wondering why the Doctor would ask such an - odd question.  
"D'you still want me to do your hair, or -"  
"Oh! Yeah! Yeah, let's go to the TARDIS." she said, with a grin. Yaz handed over the Doctor's boots, and she was glad to see that the smell hadn't really stuck to them like the rest of her clothes.

She hesitated, looking at her coat. Yaz spotted the look, reaching out and picking it up, folding it over her arm. The Doctor nodded, smiling, and opened the door, letting Yaz follow her as she set out at a neat trot. Yaz fell into step, breathing in the crisp, cool air. The Doctor tilted her head back, looking up at the sky. There was an icy chill. She stuck her tongue out, then crouched, but her hand still over the dirt as Yaz spoke quickly.  
"It's November Fourth, twenty nineteen." she said, "Centre of Sheffield, you've been here before, please don't eat dirt." there was a long suffering tone in her voice. The Doctor pouted and hopped upright.

"There's a lot you can learn from dirt, honestly." she sighed, "Dunno why you humans are so weird about it! Gotta learn to utilize all your senses, stop limitin' yourself!" but the cheeky grin she gave to Yaz really belied the fact she'd been against a wall earlier, choking like she was being suffocated. It was immensely jarring, how she seemed to have just - bounced back. How could she have done that? From intense panic attack to ... completely normal, bouncing down the path.

Yaz looked at the coat in her arms, feeling a sick twist in her stomach, like she had when the Doctor had first turned up. She realised with a jolt they'd left the rest of the Doctor's clothes in the bathroom of Graham's place, but that would have to wait for later. Unless he ended up feeling like the Doctor had up and evaporated. They finally reached the blue box, and there was no missing the way the Doctor stroked the old blue wood, smiling lovingly.  
"Hello, old girl." she whispered, before leading the way in. Yaz paused, frowning at the console room, the lights dim. As the blonde moved through, it seemed to come alive, humming and clicking. "Yes, I know you're still mad at me." she whispered, stroking a pillar. "But look, Yaz is here!" it chirped, and she shushed the console, before smiling at Yaz again. 

"Come on." she gestured, and led the young police woman into the confusing maze of pathways that made up the majority of the ship's internal space, it seemed. She moved with confidence, boots clunking on the metal grilles, and before long they emerged into a space Yaz didn't even know existed. Eyes were too busy taking in the racks - just like a dry cleaners, although currently empty - and the immense-looking barrels against one wall - to notice the way the Doctor inhaled sharply then tensed, as if holding her breath. 

"Right, pass it 'ere." she took her coat, pulling a basket out from under a stand, and started to dig in her pockets. The list was endless.   
"You been takin' lessons from Hagrid?" she asked, a little amused. The Doctor was in the process of dumping out a bag of what looked like humbugs, into a box that already contained sunglasses, a half-dozen tiny little books, what looked like portable pocket games of backgammon, draughts and - hungry hungry hippos, for some reason? so many types of candy, pens, and of course the sonic which had gone into her pocket. There were still more items coming out, though.

"Ooh, always loved a bit of Harry Potter." the Doctor said, brightly, "Got to meet a guy called Hagrid, once. Names got a bit of a resurgance after the twenty-fourty-nine remake." she said, brightly, "Shame J.K. Rowling is a massive transphobe, but you don't do time travel without realising a bunch of your heroes are awful people." she grimaced. "You never want to meet Lovecraft, trust me on that."   
"Oh, don't, I know all about that." Yaz sighed, "I decided I could enjoy the media without linkin' her to it." she said, conversationally, and the Doctor nodded, distracted. She picked up the coat, giving it one last shake, then hung it on one of the hangers attached to the whirly machine. It clicked and then zoomed off out of sight.

"Right, shouldn't take too long. D'you wanna do my hair?" she asked, bouncing on her heels. "Girly night with Yaz. Except it's not night, and it won't take that long, but still."   
Yaz laughed lightly. "C'mon." she led the way through to her room, sure that the TARDIS put it close on purpose as she pushed in. Each room was, of course, tailored to the companions, her very clever telepathic circuit useful for that. It was actually fairly small and plain, a double bed in the middle with a side table, a phone charger sitting there; she had a desk with some makeup and hair stuff sitting on it and a mirror, with a little stool there. It was done mostly in burgundy and purple tones and a lot of cream. The bed seemed to be a purple-red check, the Doctor noted, taking in the family photos littered around too. 

She plonked herself on the stool, resting her hands on her lap and spinning a few times. Yaz chuckled, quickly cleaning out her comb. She stepped behind the Doctor then hesitated.  
"Tell me if you don't want me to keep going, okay?" she said, knowing how odd the Doctor could get about touch. She nodded.   
"I'm excited!" she said, brightly. Her hair had already started to dry; Yaz ran the comb through it quickly, just to make sure there were no knots. The half-dry state would actually work well. She dug around and found her hair curlers, putting them on the side to heat up. She pulled out a little bottle, seeing the Doctor twist to peer at it.   
"Moroccan oil. It'll stop your hair drying out in the heat." she said, rubbing some in her palms before rubbing it through the Doctor's hair. She surreptitiously checked, but it seemed the slice on her head had pretty much healed up now. That was crazy fast.

Taking the tongs, Yaz rotated the Doctor to face her, and got to work, being careful.  
"These are more suited for long hair," she admitted, as she gave the Doctor the tightest curl she could manage, almost burning her more than once because she wouldn't stop jiggling. "Keep still!" she said, with a faint laugh, "You're gonna get hurt, you're worse than Sonya." she grinned.  
"Sorry. Not used to this kinda thing." the Doctor admitted. "Do you want to go to Pride?"  
Yaz sat back on her heels, releasing the curl of hair, watching it bounce next to the Doctor's face. She knew they would settle into much more relaxed waves by the time she was done.   
"Pride's not 'til summer, and I'm not out to my parents. Are you -"  
"Oh, I dunno what I am." the Doctor said, "But y'know, I'm already all rainbows. And I love a parade." Yaz frowned at that. Thoughtfully.   
"So, like, you're straight or -"  
"Nah. I mean. I don't really - think like that. Time Lords, gender's not really a thing. Y'know. Seeing as we change all the time. Male, female, sometimes no gender, sometimes changes. Although I was mostly a man before this, we don't really have any control over it." she admitted.

Yaz was thoughtful as she got back to work, mulling it over as she worked the curls into the Doctor's hair. She rotated the Doctor on the stool to make her way around the back, occasionally using her fingertips. The Doctor seemed to be surprisingly calm with all the touching, and Yaz found herself relaxing as she worked, reminded of doing the same for Sonya for so many paries in the past.   
"So, kids?" she felt the Doctor tense under her hands and regretted bring it up.   
"My granddaughter, Susan, travelled with me when I ran away for the first time." she whispered. "Well, for the - real first time." she smiled just a little. "Everything was more different than you could possibly imagine back then, Yaz. I was - so young." she sighed. "Not by your standards, of course. But ..." she shrugged. "By mine."

She decided against probing more, finishing off the Doctor's hair and putting the rollers aside. She ran her fingers through a few more times and stepped back to admire her work, before picking up a mirror and showing the Doctor the back.  
"What d'you think?" she said, softly, as the Doctor tilted her head back and forth. The shaking and the natural fall had made her hair settle into curled waves, completely transforming her face. Her eyes widened and she let out a soft breath, reaching up to touch her still-warm hair.   
"I like it." she said, softly. Yaz smiled, then dug in her drawer again.  
"Okay, take a breath and covered your face." when the Doctor had done so, she sprayed it liberally with a can of hair spray. The Doctor patted the now slightly crispy waves and smiled.

"Do I look fancy?" she asked, brightly, and Yaz laughed lightly.   
"Really fancy." a ping like a toaster going off echoed around the room.  
"My coat!" she hopped to her feet and left the room, Yaz on her heels, caught offguard by the moment of normalcy. They headed back to the dry cleaning room, and there was her coat, totally clean and repaired beautifully. The Doctor picked it up reverentially, smiling at it, then bent to the basket, starting to pop everything away again.   
"Feels much better." the Doctor admitted, adjusting her collar a little after slipping it back on. "Hate not wearin' my coat, feel all naked." she admitted. Yaz laughed.

"Alright, we better head back, Graham'll think I murdered you." she said, lightly, looking at just how alive the Doctor looked as they headed out the doors again. It was a little darker, a little later, but the Doctor paused. She was looking up to the sky, eyes just a touch distant, and there was a spark of worry now in Yaz's chest.  
"You okay?"  
"Oh, yeah. Fine." the Doctor murmured. "Don't worry about me, Yaz, all good. Let's head back to Graham's, yeah?"

They strode down the street towards the house again, the Doctor's coat billowing in the cold November wind. Yaz looked up at the sky and smiled, actually feeling pretty content. The Doctor was okay, she was sure. Just a blip. She seemed back to her confusing and erratic self at least, and that was somethng, so... all they had to do was get back to Graham's, and they could grab the rest of the - ugh - 'fam', before heading off again. It was all going to be fine, Yaz said to herself. The Doctor's fine.   
Nothing else can go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts about the alternating between the two events? Not sure if it's too confusing...


	6. Chapter 6

**War**

  
"You." it comes out as a sharp breath, staring at him, sat so innocuously, surrounded by papers.  
"Me." he agreed, standing up to stare at her, that low chuckle starting deep in his chest. Rachel looked between them, apparently confused. "I knew it was only a matter of time before you popped up, Doctor," he whispered, "A paradoxical cataclysm on a distant world? Exactly the kind of thing you love." the mirth dropped away from his face as she shook her head slowly.  
"What are you doing here?" she took a step towards him, eyes narrowed, mind running a thousand miles a minute. 

"Oh, Doctor, don't you know? I'm everywhere." he glared at her, "You think the Kasaavin could hold me for long?" he barked out a laugh and there was a cold rush through her thundering hearts as she realised what was going on, taking a half step back. His head tilted sharply, just a touch to one side as he put a hand on the desk in front of him again. "Did you go home yet?" he whispered, and her eyes widened just a touch, before he started to laugh. "Oh. Oh, now I understand, Doctor." the baring of his teeth was sharp, more threat than smile. "This place draws in paradoxes... it seems you're evidence of that."  
"I can't tell you what happens." she whispered.   
"As if I would ask." the Master scoffed. "So you know?"  
There was a sharp arc of pain across her skull before she could fight it back. Thinking about any of it, thinking about her history, she'd been focusing on everything else but right now she couldn't handle her head fighting her.

"Yes. I know. That doesn't matter here." she hissed. He sniffed sharply and sat down again, gesturing widely.   
"I guess I have a charitable side." he said, lightly, as the Doctor walked towards him, slowly sinking onto the tatty chair opposite. The papers spread out in front of him were vast; roughly-scrawled notes on technique and plans for weaponry, plans of what looked like the city and blueprints for the council building that they'd previously collapsed.  
"To help a group of rebels take out a very important building? Why do you want the paradox shield to fail?" she whispered, eyes narrowing.  
"Doctor, we may be different in a lot of ways, but a paradox of that size ripping open the universe is still very much not in my best interest." he said, sharply, tone mocking as she felt herself bristling.

She knew better than to trust him, of course, especially knowing what was coming, and yet - perhaps he did have a point, because a paradox like this would destroy - everything. She swallowed hard and nodded, picking up a few sheets of plans, scowling.  
"So why are you helping them blow things up instead of fixing things?" she asked, shortly.  
"Because there's nothing to fix, Doctor." he said, simply, "When the leader of the council figured out that rechanneling Artron energy into the system would keep the shield up, they decided that would be easier than trying any other method. Our friends here," he gestured at Rachel, who was still standing by the door, "Well, they're just fizzing with it!" he laughed just a little as he stood, eyes unfocused, and her hands tensed on the edge of the chair.

"So they're what, being killed for it?" she asked, shortly, and the Master smirked.  
"Not as slow as you look, love. Yes. But there's only a limited number of them, of course, and their energy is limited. Not much in them, when it used to be a whole populace! So we've been working on bringing down the government buildings. You know how I hate corrupt leaders."  
"Only if they're no use to you." she snapped, and he chuckled, leaning his hips back against the counter, looking at her with sparkling eyes.   
"Oh, true. And I couldn't quite be bothered to usurp them." he admitted, "Too much work. Much more fun to help these fellas bring the place down around their ears."  
"So what's your plan? To fix it? The Artron energy -"  
"Oh, don't you worry, Doctor." his features darkened as he moved away, towards the doorway, "I have a rather excellent plan."

She got to her feet and followed him, telling herself it was because he was too dangerous to let out of her sight, but - curiosity had been piqued. What was he doing? What did he have in mind? There was a low hissing noise, and a shout rang out a few moments later, the ground shaking. The Doctor clenched her jaw shut, trying to focus, trying so hard to hear what those whispers were - the rumbling getting louder and louder, she braced against the wall, the smell of metal - a tang with iron, so familiar - and then a rumble that almost threw her feet out. Looking ahead, she saw the Master running, flanked either side by the horned Sertin - frowning just a little as she took off after him.

 _help us_  
She froze, ice in her veins again, the whispers -   
_help us please help us we can't get out help us -_  
They were getting louder now but almost lost in the hissing, her hearts beating staccato, the thunder of her feet on the tiles as tears swum in her eyes. She was trying to focus, to gain control over her emotions, but it was sudden and clear - someone was crying for help. And the Doctor always, always helped. A great cracking boom and her feet went out, pitched forward - an arm helped her up. Rachel! She was tugged along, but the hissing stopped as suddenly as it had started, leaving the Doctor's ears burning.

They reached the end of the passage, light flooding in from outside. The metal taste was easing off as she looked up, the sky above her finally covered in the dome once more, but -   
"Snow?" Rachel said, confused. Kevin, up ahead with the Master, laughed.   
"I haven't seen snow since I was a child." he said. "In the middle of summer?"  
"It's not snow." the Doctor murmured, coming to stand next to the Master, hearing his low chuckle at the words.  
"It looks like snow." Kevin stuck out his tongue.  
"It's ash." the Master supplied, with a hardly-suppressed glee.  
"Ash?" Rachel's horrified whisper was barely audible.  
"The ships, the time-ships, trying to come through the barrier." the Doctor said, softly, "They're caught in a temporal loop, it stops them from generating paradoxes as they try to come through, but they're _stuck_. And when they're coming in and out it's starting to burn up their ships."  
"And now ... it's snowing." the Master laughed, throwing his head back, and the Doctor shook her head slowly. 

She wasn't sure why but it felt like all her energy was bleeding out. Exhaustion was starting to lay on her, the pain in the back of her head threatening to overwhelm her. She took a slow step, sitting down on a low, broken wall. She didn't miss the way that Kevin and Rachel - and a few others, she hadn't known their names - looked at her. But it was the Master that approached, and knelt in front of her, peering into her face. Taken aback, she leant away slightly, not trusting the aggression in his smile.   
"Are we tired, Doctor?" he whispered, tongue darting out to whet his lips. "War always smells the same, doesn't it?" anger flourished in her chest, making her glare, but she didn't bother to respond to him. "Chin up." he whispered, "Far worse to come, love." then pushed to his feet again.

"Malcolm." he barked, and a young looking Sertin came scurrying over, "Do a quick recce on the council building. Be careful. Check to see if they've evacuated." he said, shortly. "If they have, we can start enacting plans for the coup. If not, we might have to do the second stage."   
The Doctor pushed up to her feet and scowled at him, jolting across the space and grabbing ahold of his lapels, turning him to face her.  
"You're sending them to die." she hissed, "You know they'll get taken if they go near -"  
"No." his lip curled in derision, grabbing her wrists and shoving her away from his chest. "I know exactly what I'm doing, Doctor. Always the tone, like you think I'm incapable. Well, we all know that I'm _smarter_ than you." 

She stepped away, unable to shake the whispers out of her head, looking up at the sky.  
"Has the city been evacuated?"   
He scoffed, striding away from her. She huffed, frustration making her impatient, taking off after him, towards the city. "Talk to me! Has it been evacuated?"  
"No. The governor has taken the attitude of it not happening. Some of them have fled, but many idiots remain. We all know it's no loss." he shrugged, and the dismissal filled her with rage.  
"Oh, so you're what, gonna keep blowing the place up until everyone here is dead?" she snapped.   
"No, Doctor. How do I make this clear to you?" he stopped and glared at her, almost eye level, using his paltry inch of height to intimidate her. It wasn't effective; she didn't fear him, even now.

"I don't give a damn if every coloniser of this planet dies, but if that barrier breaks, it rather scuppers my _plans_. So I'm going to do what you are clearly incapable of." he shook his head and sighed. She followed after him again, footsteps echoing on the cobbles.   
"And where are you going?" she said, sharply.   
"To the council."  
"But you sent - "  
"I really am getting bored of your endless chatting, Doctor. Don't you usually have your pets around to ask stupid questions?" he snarled, and she drew back a little, crinkling her nose in offence.   
"My friends ask smart questions, thank you very much."  
"So the stupid ones are reserved for you?" she gawped like a goldfish, and then fell back into step with him, feeling the anger that he was so good at drawing out bubbling just under the surface.

"Wait and see." he snapped, as if detecting as she opened her mouth. He hopped down some steps, and she followed. The pace of his steps were deceptive, as they moved into a quieter part of the city, and finally to what looked almost like a sewer grate, even though it was dry.   
"After you, Doctor." he gestured to the bars, before pulling hard - and the door swung open. She hesitated just a second before stepping inside, looking down the dark tunnel. Sliding her sonic into her hand, she started to walk, hearing his footsteps echoing behind hers.   
"Where are we going?" she finally hissed over her shoulder.  
"To the council, Doctor. You do want to fix it, after all, don't you? I'm giving you that opportunity you so desperately crave. To prove yourself." he gave a low chuckle, and she scowled, clenching the Sonic harder as they finally emerged into a slightly wider space. She could see those wires on the walls.

There was a low golden light, but it was like the wires were almost empty. The Artron energy was running out.   
"You never told me how they're getting the energy out of the Sertin?" she asked, now in a whisper, as he emerged into the space with her, looking entirely at ease.  
"Oh, that's pretty simple." he said. "Door on the left, Doctor."   
She could smell the smoke and the ash now and stepped through into a wider space, which was lit by low lamps. There was a deeper reek, like body odours, now, and that cold feeling in her veins was only getting colder...   
"It's amazing what the body gives up when certain - archaic techniques are applied. Keep moving. We're almost there."   
The iron tang back in the air this time was blood, she knew, as she kept walking, noticing immense stone tanks on the walls to her right. This room looked darker.

Stepping in, she glanced back as he stopped in the doorway behind her, the lighting from behind making him softly silhouetted.   
"Of course, there really isn't that much energy in them." he said, and she could see the light glinting on his teeth as he smiled, and she stopped in the middle of the room. For a fraction of a second there was an electric hum, and then the room glared into bright white. She cried out, covering her eyes with a hand, before feeling a half-dozen hands grip her. Fighting, kicking, she cried out as her arms were wrenched behind her back, gasping. 

Forcing her eyes open, she could see him there, dark eyes sparkling and a laugh on his lips.   
"As promised." he said, softly, opening his arms. She looked sideways, recognising the vague aquatic features on the Melnin people's face, the struggle they were having to hold her still. A nasty bit of fabric was tugged around her face, preventing her from speaking. "All the Atron energy you could need to power your shields for, ooh, at least a hundred years, if you don't use her up too quickly." he said, softly, moving towards her. His fingers cupped her chin and he chuckled in her face.

"Oh, Doctor. You do trust so easily, don't you?" he murmured. "Have fun, love." he stepped away, turning his back on her and walking away. She tried to shout after him, rage burning through her, shoulders already aching from the violence of fighting. But her words were caught in the fabric gag, and she could've sworn she saw his shoulders shake - as if he was laughing as he left her there.


End file.
